Understanding my world

yesterday I went with my friend to Amsterdam. I didn't get my eyebrow piercing there cause we were too lazy to search for a piercing shop and it was sooo hot that day. Later we went out to a gothic party. Those parties were interesting for me at the beginning, watching all those weirdos dance their gothy moves. The guys looking like girls and stuff like that.
But it gets normal after a while and boring cause every time you see the same people there. But my best friend loves it and she loves gothic looking guys. Personally I dont like them cause I like very masculine man, not bisexual pussy looking guys.
But I met this guy (non-gothic), we had fun...he drew hearts at my arm and stuff like that and I drew things on his arm, our arms were covered all over with ink. I wrote my phone number on his arm and I hought he wouldnt even notice the next day, but I was wrong hehee, cause he send me an sms today. Anyway...we were sitting and I could feel his arms sliding over mine with his pen and his face was always close to me, it kinda makes me horny...so I wanted to kiss him. So I told him at the very end of the night...when are you gonna kiss me? O_o
and then the lights went on!!! damnit...and the party was over. And he said...but now theparty is over and it makes him feel uncomfortale, cause everybody would see us hahaha. And he asked me to come with him and stay over his place, which I didnt do of course. I just wanted to kiss him, thats all...

The next day, which is today, I washed my arms that were covered with ink haha and I had an appointment with my friend in the city. We did a little shopping and sat like for 3 hours in a plaza. I actually got a tan now jay..

Today was one of the better days.
I had college but instead I went to the park...and the weather was beautiful. It was warm and sunny today but not too warm, just perfect and as pleasant can be.
They were building a stage in the park for guns n roses, stone sour and alice in chains. I'm so gonna be there when they play...without a ticket unfortunately. But still...I'll be close.

I called my friend who has vacation already and asked her if she wanted to do something. So we went in the city, did some shopping, ate ice cream and played pool.

At home unfortunately my mom was being annoying, she keeps talking about my nephew constantly, it's driving me crazyyy!!!

*In the morning she says..."your brother is gonna call in two hours" so she can hear more about how my nephew is doing in th hospital.
*Later he called and she says to me "your brother says he is doing ok"
*she saw pictures of my nephew where she is holding him and said "looook how cute, how sweet blabla"
*when I went shopping she wanted me to buy this bear for my nephew which is in another direction..
*When I came back from shopping I had to show her the pictures of my nephew that were on cd, and she doesnt know how a computer works
*And every day she keeps talking about my nephew...I dont wanna hear it. period.

*sigh*

but despite that...my day was good.

PS. I wanna get an eyebrow piercing tomorrow

Today I had my first appointment with the
psychologist...
I think it's the first time in my life someone actually listened to me.
That was weird...I never told someone those things before, well maybe online but it's not the real thing you know. I didn't know where to begin but we got trough it after one hour.

She told me she feels sorry for me cause I'm on my own in this and she wanted me to come again after summer vacation. And she told me I need to move out...
She also told me I need to go to bed earlier ghehehe

After our appointment I came home and sat here for an hour and then again...I went to visit my patient who is in a psychiatric hospital. I work there volunteerly, cause I'm a student psychologist. Well isn't that ironic!!!!

And when I just came home after that my mom began talking about going on vacation later cause she wanted to see my nephew when he comes OUT of the hospital. I mean come on, what difference does it make if he is in the hospital or at home. I need fucking vacation. She always needs to spoil everything. I can't wait to get out of this place.

I think reading that book yesterday was a good idea...I fell asleep after 20 pages because my sleep rhytim sucks, but later I managed to get to page 75. By that time it was already 2 am and I tried to sleep...it was hard though...with all those thoughts in my mind...
and unfortunately I woke up again at 3 pm :(
DAMNIT!

My mother saw the book I was reading when she entered my room, yes she always enters my room. And she was like "Is that a book for school or what is it?"
from that question people...you can draw some conclusions:
*She obviously never reads a book, I mean come on, almost every idiot knows the difference between a study book and a novel.
*She is uneducated. Yes people, please finish your school and don't end up like her for the worlds sake.
*If I answered "no, it's not a study book" she would yell at me for that. Every other mother would encourage their children to read but she...*sigh*

Anyway since I enjoy reading books I ordered "the vampire chronicles boxed set" from Anne Rice. It contains: Interview with the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, The Queen of the Damned, The Tale of the body Thief.

JaY

I'm also kinda nervous today cause tomorrow I have my first appointment with the studentpsychologist. I hope I can wake up earlier so I can be there on time..

I went to sleep around 4 am and woke up at 9 am...
I should have get up then but instead I just went into the kitchen for a drink and went back straight to bed.
I just couldn't get up cause my bed felt too good, soft and cozy, and maybe I just didn't want to go trough another day again...
So I slept again and finally I get up at 3 pm. I ate, took a shower...I felt so tired. I was still thinking og my bed again...
I watched Oprah and Southpak. Had dinner...and that was my useless day.
I need to change this. I need to try to go to sleep earlier. Cause this is just such a waste.
Instead I could have study, go shopping...anything usefull.

You know what's pathetic too...I have no journal friends..nobody who reads this or maybe nobody who wants to add me when they read about my pathetic life. So if you're reading this, leave me a message, anything...

I think I'm gonna read a book now. I have one of Raymond E. Feist. titled "magician" so I'm gonna dive into that, just to do something usefull.

Today is the day I realized how sick I really am...

I woke up at 4 pm, thinking about how my biological clock is disturbed. I hate sleeping and I do it as late as possible. I guess I'm a night person. I love night cause there is no one who bothers me..all quiet and all alone I can be myself in the darkness.
About 7 pm I had dinner and my parents had a terrible fight (words only) like usual, but this time it was worse. My dad is like a ticking time bomb and this is one of the times that he exploded. Why? Because of my mom...and I can't blame him for it. He started to cry -I never see him cry- and went upstairs...my mom sat there...I can't describe you the look on her face. I saw her eyes turning red and I knew she needed to cry. She was looking at me with this angry look and I said "what are you looking at?!" She always says the same to me so...
Then I left and went to my room and locked myself up...
After a couple of hours I started to binge-eat. I wish I had the guts to throw it all up again.
I regret that I ate that much but I just needed the food to make me feel better.

and so that was just 1 day of my pathetic life